Hello. My name is Kru, and I am an addict.
The other day I was watching a television show in which one of the characters is an alcoholic who has been sober for several years. However, when another character learns this, she asks “You were an alcoholic?” to which the first character replies, “No. I am an alcoholic. And I always will be.” I have heard this view expressed before, but I sort of assumed that it was an exaggeration, used to make sure that people steered clear in bounds due to fear of a single misstep. Now admittedly, I figure there have to be some things that once you quit, you aren’t nagged by them anymore. But I used to think that most things fell into that category, and now I am realizing probably a great deal more than I previously thought falls into the same category as alcoholism.
For example, I am more than seven months sober, the longest I have ever been sober since I was a teenager, but I’m not an alcoholic. I am a pornography addict. And it is still difficult for me. Just today I was struck by the fact that I know exactly where to get the drug I want the most. The exact location, and what will be found there. Also by the abundance of it. I figure, let’s say you’re addicted to heroin and you move to a new town out in the boonies of Montana or whatever. Maybe (granted, I know nothing about rural Montana) you could make acquiring heroin difficult for yourself by moving to a place where the supply is low and/or difficult to ferret out. But for alcohol, for cigarettes, for pornography, there is no place to run. There are industries out there hunting you down. You could buy stock in them.
It’s hard. But I’ve made it seven months, and I can tell you that one of the biggest helps recently has been not wanting to lose the streak. I just wanted to tell someone. Thanks for listening.
